I Miss You MOM

Where do I start, my last blog was Dec. 1st.  That night became the beginning of the worst thing I have ever had to go though.  About 6:00 that night I started calling my husband who is living with my parents while he is doing a construction job in my home town.  He didn't answer, I was starting to get a bad feeling. Then at about 7ish he called, and said it was my mom.  She had knee surgery the day before and seemed to be doing OK.  I had just talked to her about 2:00 that day we talked for about an hour.  Anyway she wasn't feeling very good so my dad went home to check on her, when he tried to help her to the couch she collapsed.  He called 911, they live right next to the hospital but she was to limp and he couldn't pick her up, so he just had to wait.  The Ambulance got there and my husband pulled in right after they did.  They got her to the hospital, but once there she went into cardiac arrest.  They revived her, and figured she had a blood clot in her lung.  They flew her down here, my dad drove.  I got over to the ER and he was already there along with my dad's sister and brother in law, and my mom's little sister (who lives in Montana, but just happened to be in town).  We waited for two hours until they finally got her here.  We all just thought they would bring her down and do surgery and take care of the clot.  But when we finally talked to the Dr. she said it was very serious, and it didn't look good.  She looked really bad, we couldn't even talk we I just sat there and watched her.  I just couldn't believe this was happening to me!!!!!

My dad sent me home at 2 in the morning.  When I got home I just kept thinking if it was her time to go my dad wouldn't have gotten her to the hospital, or they wouldn't have brought her back at the hospital.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and started texting my sisters, my youngest sister that lives in Ohio, already had her flight.  My sister in Germany wasn't sure what to do, it was 2500$ per person to fly on Sat, or 800$ to fly on Sunday.  But her and her whole family was coming.  After I wasn't getting any response from my sister in Grand Junction I called her.  She had no idea it was that bad and the same for my sister in Salam.  Their in-laws quickly volunteered to watch their husbands brought them down.  Josh left to come home at 5:00 that morning (he stayed with my mom at the hospital until the life flight came).  I got all my kids ready and off to school or at families house and headed over.  I was very scared about what I might find. She looked a lot better, it was also comforting to walk into her room and see a friend for our church working as a nurse.

Everyone was on their way, but I just wanted her to wake up so I could talk to her. We all just kept pleading with her to please wake up.  The Dr. had talked to my dad and told him they need to do an EEG on her brain before they can even think about doing anything else, I was with her while they got her ready for that, and they took her off the medication to get a good reading so I could see her eyes and there was just nothing there?  I think I kind of knew then what the results were going to be.  At 6:00 the Dr. came in and took us all out in the hall to show us the scan.  She said her brain had been without enough oxygen for 20 minutes and there were a lot of parts of her brain that were dead.  It was the worst thing I could have heard!!!  How could this be happening!!!  We cried,  I don't remember much about the night.  I just remember wanting to sit and look at her, and remember everything about her. 

My youngest sister got there that night, she did surprisingly better then we thought she would.  I remember not wanting to go home because I didn't want to tell my kids.  I really wanted to wait to tell my oldest son since it was his 14th birthday.  We waited to tell them the next day, it was very hard but they have such strong faith.  They cried, my oldest daughter (9yrs old) asked why grandpa wasn't staying at our house and  I told her he doesn't want to be that far from the hospital and she said "He  is strict, but he sure is a romantic old man (he is 60).  Children are the light in the tunnel.  My mom loves kids she taught school for 28 years, and after she retired she got a job as the education specialist at Bryce Canyon National Park.  She taught over 5000 kids last year alone.  This was a heart break for hundreds of kids.

My cousin teaches school in my home town, and in her class that Friday morning she had one of her students come up ( without knowing what was going on) and say she was making a Christmas cards for her favorite teachers and she was starting with Mrs. Bulkley.  My cousin just broke down and cried and had to tell her kids what was happening.  They all wrote and note to her, you can not believe what they wrote.

Christy went and tried to sleep in the waiting room.  It was a wonderful night I just laid my head on her lap and watched Mormon messages on my phone, until 4. then the nurses wanted to give her a bath so we went in the waiting and told christy we were going home to sleep some more.  We had just got into bed and we got a call from Suzanne saying come back.  We ran out the door, my heart was pounding I couldn't breath and Josh just couldn't move fast enough I was totally panicked.  When we got into the room they said she has quit breathing for the respirator.  So we decided to take the breathing tube out, as soon as everyone got there.  It was terrible!!!!!!  At first I just couldn't take it so Christy and I walked out, then after a while we went back in.  It was peaceful, the spirit was so strong, it was hard, it was a blessing that we were all right there holding her hand.  I just never realized I have such a special person as my mom.  I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father, and know that he was hurting that we were hurting.  What a blessing!!!!!!!!